I wonder... WHERE HAS MY BRAIN JUICE GONE TO??
I've always wanted to post something to keep my blog rolling, but it's starting to get difficult. Instead of being happy and joyful when I blog, I'm finding it rather a pain to watch it stuck yet I've virtually nothing to share. You know, it's something like watching somebody dying and you have no idea how to perform CPR.
That got me thinking: Why do I even start a blog in the first place?
Was it to upload a gazillion of photos to tell the whole world about the party that I've been? Or, to rant and complain when life gets tough and I've got no one to talk to? Or, to share my happiness when something great happened?
And, I got my answer.
It's all that and more. Initially, blogging was merely an interest for me but somehow, it has become a part and parcel of my life. Fragments of good and bad times are here in my blog. People reads them; I treasure them. That's what keeps the blog going, though it often gone into phases of unintentional hiatus just because I have nothing to say.
All my life I've been searching for something called PASSION. I felt envious of people who found passion in what they are doing. Dancing, singing, baking, playing sports, playing music, you name it. Me? I still haven't found mine yet.
Heck, I don't even know if whatever I'm studying now is really what I want. I can't seem to find passion in anything I do. Well, of course, I don't plan on dropping out halfway but it's just that... I don't want to just do what I love, but also love what I do. If you get what I mean.
Hmm, will I ever find passion in blogging? Or in fact, anything at all?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Bon voyage
Most of my high school friends are in different parts of the world now. Aussie! Canada! UK! New Zealand! And, some of them will be leaving very very soon too.
And then.. all of a sudden, it just hits me.
The people that I used to go to class with, those who shared my high school memories with.. We are all moving on to the next level of our lives already. We are no longer teens anymore. We have hit the big Two-oh.
Sometimes, I wish I could have had the opportunity to leave Malaysia and gain the experience of a lifetime in overseas. I really do. But I guess a part of me is still attached to home. I mean, it's true that I don't study in Penang now but at least, I'm comforted by the idea that I can still go back anytime I want.
That's what they say. Grass is always greener on the other side. =/
And to all my friends who are in/going to overseas now,
all the best and do have the time of your life there before you come back!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Fireworks, angpows and gatherings.
CNY CNY CNY! Gong Xi Fa Cai!
Haha. What? Happier events have to put bigger and redder fonts, so more ong! :)
Thankfully.. as lifeless as it seems now, I had an awesome nine days Chinese New Year break back at home to compensate it all. No doubt I had one of the best CNY ever because ALL my cousins made it back this year. So, it was like a huge, huge family gathering and it just warms my heart.
Even though we are all grownups now, we were still the same kids that used to play together a decade ago. We even went up to Kek Lok Si for the first time in many, many, many years... xD
Unfortunately.. you get some, you lose some. One of my bestfriend couldn't come back because of her finals. Another one went off to Singapore to visit her relatives. And another one has work. Garh.
So, technically only half of the gang here is left in the cold, eg: us. But we still had a nice time, just not crazy nice without the rest. Because it's no fun without everyone!
And of course, the food. Oh, THE FOOD!! YUMM. *looks guiltily at my bloated tummy* I could just eat ALL. DAY. LONG. I'm really gonna have to start exercising soon! :O
It felt like 2012 has just started yesterday. And with a blink of an eye, it is already FEBRUARY??! Wha.....?? I thought we just had our new year countdown last night? Heck, even Chinese New Year is coming to an end next week!
I'm amazed, really. The month just literally flew by me SO FAST that I could feel the gust of wind smacked into my face. As if it didn't hit me until it's over. You know.. like the fact that Chinese New Year is almost over. The fact that all the fun and happy times I had in Penang is over. And it's time to say hello to Progress Test again.
But...... I'll worry about that later!
Haha. What? Happier events have to put bigger and redder fonts, so more ong! :)
Thankfully.. as lifeless as it seems now, I had an awesome nine days Chinese New Year break back at home to compensate it all. No doubt I had one of the best CNY ever because ALL my cousins made it back this year. So, it was like a huge, huge family gathering and it just warms my heart.
Even though we are all grownups now, we were still the same kids that used to play together a decade ago. We even went up to Kek Lok Si for the first time in many, many, many years... xD
Unfortunately.. you get some, you lose some. One of my bestfriend couldn't come back because of her finals. Another one went off to Singapore to visit her relatives. And another one has work. Garh.
So, technically only half of the gang here is left in the cold, eg: us. But we still had a nice time, just not crazy nice without the rest. Because it's no fun without everyone!
 |
| I know this picture is blur.. but I just love it! Candid! |
 |
| Also with the annual gambling session with my highschoolmates. |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It felt like 2012 has just started yesterday. And with a blink of an eye, it is already FEBRUARY??! Wha.....?? I thought we just had our new year countdown last night? Heck, even Chinese New Year is coming to an end next week!
I'm amazed, really. The month just literally flew by me SO FAST that I could feel the gust of wind smacked into my face. As if it didn't hit me until it's over. You know.. like the fact that Chinese New Year is almost over. The fact that all the fun and happy times I had in Penang is over. And it's time to say hello to Progress Test again.
But...... I'll worry about that later!
Friday, December 23, 2011
35th IDC @ Wat Chetawan
I'M HOME, DUDES AND CHICKAS!! Whooooooo....!
Yes, I know I know. All the kittens also turned into cats and tigers already, yet my blog is still left untouched. Hehe. Honestly, I thought I'd have more time once my finals was over.. HAR HAR. What a joke. I still need more than 24 hours a day to do everything! Time, YOU HAVE GOT TO SLOW DOWN! Why are you always rushing?! ._.
Well anyway, since most of you know that I just came back from a Buddhist camp with the amount of spamming in Facebook, I bet you are dying to know what is it about, eh? Okay la, maybe not dying, but at least.. curious? :P
If you have never heard of it before, it's known as Incovar Dhamma Camp. This was, in fact, their 35th camp already but only my second time attending. It's organized twice annually, usually in the middle and the end of the year. It's a 4-days-3-nights camp which bring students from various universities and colleges to learn the Dhamma in a fun and experiential way. Don't worry, I'm not going all factual on you, but that is pretty much the objective of the camp.
Now, it's all going to come from my personal experience of 35th IDC. :)
My First Impression
I'm not gonna lie. I was shocked by the total number of participants this time because I could literally count them all with my fingers. I mean, I was already expecting it to be lesser than the previous camps, but I didn't know it was going to be so few of us! I was beginning to feel a little nervous at that time because I didn't know most of them except for our 34th IDC camp warden, John and some of the committee.
But once the ice was broken, we became more comfortable around each other and the camp just kick start from there onwards. We were the one and only group there because of the small number, so we practically know everyone in the camp. It was then that I realised all the committee were there with us (and I actually know all of them!), in contrary to the previous camps where I can't even catch a glimpse of them because they were always rushing to prepare for the next activity.
Talks & speakers
The next thing we see was our time schedule. And then, we got another shock because we realised that the 'Activity' means Dhamma talk, 'Workshop' means Dhamma talk, and obviously 'Talk' means more Dhamma talk. HAHAHAHA!! But for once, we have sooooo many "Free and Easy" in between. This was another mini shock because... since when does Incovar gives you time to rest and shower?! If you have been to any of the Incovar camps, you'll know what I mean. :P
That aside.. we do have many, many great speakers this time around. Since we have more breaks in between, we were more attentive during talks. And, it was more interactive between the speakers and participants.. which is a very plus point to me because we can just ask any questions which we have doubts in, etc etc.
Although it may seem frightening to have so many talks at first, trust me.. it didn't feel that way. I actually enjoyed myself, listening to the Dhamma and personal experiences, and even ghost stories from the speakers. :D
Camp activities
Yes, Dhamma talks may be the main core of this camp, but we do have other activities as well. I had SO MUCH FUN playing the Guardian Angel game. The rule is simple: each of us just randomly picked a person's name and be their guardian angel throughout the entire duration of the camp. The only twist is that you're not supposed to reveal your identity. You can leave messages/hints/clues for your "guarded" angel to guess who you are. Our true identities will only be revealed on the last day of camp.
I simply love this game! It is very intriguing, trying to guess who your guardian angel is, and at the same time, leaving tips here and there for your own "guarded" angel to guess who you are.
We also had a lot of hymns singing. We even had our own "Backstreetboys" and opera singer. There were so many random and funny "performances" that I think I laughed until my jaw dropped! It was really fun because we just sorta relax and goof around. And we even discovered we have a few talents among ourselves too. ;)
Next: sharing. We definitely had a lot of sharing sessions in this camp (and so does the previous camps). I guess it plays an important part during the camp because it is where everyone shared their problems, opinions, suggestions and practically anything that you wished to share. I personally like the idea of sharing a lot. Just by having somebody listening to you and feeling a hand of comfort on your back; though not solving the problem, it makes you feel soooooo much better because you now realised that you're not alone in this world. :)
And there was Movie Night as well. Yes, movie together with popcorn and snacks and pillows. Hehe, I was so comfortable that I just fall asleep! We watched Pay It Forward starring Haley Joel Osment, more known as that kid from Sixth Sense. This movie was actually very meaningful, but I conked out for about 3/4 of the movie. Thank god for another sharing session after that, so at least I know the story now! Hahaha..
Meals
We had vegetarian food that actually tasted good (this comes from a person who don't eat leafy vegetables) Haha. For the first 2 days, the food were delivered pretty late and we were all starving by the time the food arrived. But we later found out that one of the committee, ChunNang had to sacrifice his time from work and suffer the KL traffic just to deliver our food! Big Sadhu to him.. our food was never late after that. :)
As usual, we also had the hand-tyings during meals, but no blindfolds this time. Fun Fun Fun! Unlike previous camps, we don't really have to be noble silent during meals because it was only so few of us. We are allowed to bond during meals and we do our own dishes! :D
IXP
Also known as Incovar Experience. It is considered to be the highlight of every Incovar camp. It is always different and we're not supposed to disclose about it to anyone after the camp was over. Everything we shared remained within that four walls, so come for the next camp to experience it for yourself!
Participants & Committee
I have met so many awesome people in this camp!! I pretty much know everyone from head to toe, irregardless participant or committee. Though it was only 4 days, all of us just clicked! We had so much fun together! Every night, we will have our own chitchat sessions till 1-2am, even when we were supposed to wake up early the next day!
We do exercises together in the morning, cleaned up the temple together, played games together and did almost everything together as a group! And because we know each other so well, it is especially hard for me when I realised it was all over. 4 days just flew past so quickly! :(
Comments
All in all, it was very different from the previous camps. It is much more slow-paced and relaxing this time compared to the previous camp that I've participated in. And although we may be a small group, I now know quantity doesn't matter at all because at the end of the day.. we learn, we had fun and we made new friends. And with that, I think Incovar had already achieved their objectives.
I'm glad I came for this camp and I will definitely go for the next one, if time permits. :)
Yes, I know I know. All the kittens also turned into cats and tigers already, yet my blog is still left untouched. Hehe. Honestly, I thought I'd have more time once my finals was over.. HAR HAR. What a joke. I still need more than 24 hours a day to do everything! Time, YOU HAVE GOT TO SLOW DOWN! Why are you always rushing?! ._.
Well anyway, since most of you know that I just came back from a Buddhist camp with the amount of spamming in Facebook, I bet you are dying to know what is it about, eh? Okay la, maybe not dying, but at least.. curious? :P
If you have never heard of it before, it's known as Incovar Dhamma Camp. This was, in fact, their 35th camp already but only my second time attending. It's organized twice annually, usually in the middle and the end of the year. It's a 4-days-3-nights camp which bring students from various universities and colleges to learn the Dhamma in a fun and experiential way. Don't worry, I'm not going all factual on you, but that is pretty much the objective of the camp.
Now, it's all going to come from my personal experience of 35th IDC. :)
I'm not gonna lie. I was shocked by the total number of participants this time because I could literally count them all with my fingers. I mean, I was already expecting it to be lesser than the previous camps, but I didn't know it was going to be so few of us! I was beginning to feel a little nervous at that time because I didn't know most of them except for our 34th IDC camp warden, John and some of the committee.
But once the ice was broken, we became more comfortable around each other and the camp just kick start from there onwards. We were the one and only group there because of the small number, so we practically know everyone in the camp. It was then that I realised all the committee were there with us (and I actually know all of them!), in contrary to the previous camps where I can't even catch a glimpse of them because they were always rushing to prepare for the next activity.
Talks & speakers
The next thing we see was our time schedule. And then, we got another shock because we realised that the 'Activity' means Dhamma talk, 'Workshop' means Dhamma talk, and obviously 'Talk' means more Dhamma talk. HAHAHAHA!! But for once, we have sooooo many "Free and Easy" in between. This was another mini shock because... since when does Incovar gives you time to rest and shower?! If you have been to any of the Incovar camps, you'll know what I mean. :P
Although it may seem frightening to have so many talks at first, trust me.. it didn't feel that way. I actually enjoyed myself, listening to the Dhamma and personal experiences, and even ghost stories from the speakers. :D
Camp activities
Yes, Dhamma talks may be the main core of this camp, but we do have other activities as well. I had SO MUCH FUN playing the Guardian Angel game. The rule is simple: each of us just randomly picked a person's name and be their guardian angel throughout the entire duration of the camp. The only twist is that you're not supposed to reveal your identity. You can leave messages/hints/clues for your "guarded" angel to guess who you are. Our true identities will only be revealed on the last day of camp.
I simply love this game! It is very intriguing, trying to guess who your guardian angel is, and at the same time, leaving tips here and there for your own "guarded" angel to guess who you are.
We also had a lot of hymns singing. We even had our own "Backstreetboys" and opera singer. There were so many random and funny "performances" that I think I laughed until my jaw dropped! It was really fun because we just sorta relax and goof around. And we even discovered we have a few talents among ourselves too. ;)
Next: sharing. We definitely had a lot of sharing sessions in this camp (and so does the previous camps). I guess it plays an important part during the camp because it is where everyone shared their problems, opinions, suggestions and practically anything that you wished to share. I personally like the idea of sharing a lot. Just by having somebody listening to you and feeling a hand of comfort on your back; though not solving the problem, it makes you feel soooooo much better because you now realised that you're not alone in this world. :)
And there was Movie Night as well. Yes, movie together with popcorn and snacks and pillows. Hehe, I was so comfortable that I just fall asleep! We watched Pay It Forward starring Haley Joel Osment, more known as that kid from Sixth Sense. This movie was actually very meaningful, but I conked out for about 3/4 of the movie. Thank god for another sharing session after that, so at least I know the story now! Hahaha..
Meals
We had vegetarian food that actually tasted good (this comes from a person who don't eat leafy vegetables) Haha. For the first 2 days, the food were delivered pretty late and we were all starving by the time the food arrived. But we later found out that one of the committee, ChunNang had to sacrifice his time from work and suffer the KL traffic just to deliver our food! Big Sadhu to him.. our food was never late after that. :)
As usual, we also had the hand-tyings during meals, but no blindfolds this time. Fun Fun Fun! Unlike previous camps, we don't really have to be noble silent during meals because it was only so few of us. We are allowed to bond during meals and we do our own dishes! :D
IXP
Also known as Incovar Experience. It is considered to be the highlight of every Incovar camp. It is always different and we're not supposed to disclose about it to anyone after the camp was over. Everything we shared remained within that four walls, so come for the next camp to experience it for yourself!
Participants & Committee
I have met so many awesome people in this camp!! I pretty much know everyone from head to toe, irregardless participant or committee. Though it was only 4 days, all of us just clicked! We had so much fun together! Every night, we will have our own chitchat sessions till 1-2am, even when we were supposed to wake up early the next day!
We do exercises together in the morning, cleaned up the temple together, played games together and did almost everything together as a group! And because we know each other so well, it is especially hard for me when I realised it was all over. 4 days just flew past so quickly! :(
All in all, it was very different from the previous camps. It is much more slow-paced and relaxing this time compared to the previous camp that I've participated in. And although we may be a small group, I now know quantity doesn't matter at all because at the end of the day.. we learn, we had fun and we made new friends. And with that, I think Incovar had already achieved their objectives.
I'm glad I came for this camp and I will definitely go for the next one, if time permits. :)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Snapshot: Kittens grew up!
Whooooooo... One year down, 2 more years to go!
It's time to become a tiger! :P
Thursday, October 13, 2011
My nerves ate my brain
It's ironic to say that I don't have the time to blog, and yet the next minute.. I'm posting another one on the same day! Haha, but do cut me some slack. I'm having a pretty bad day. Okay, maybe not bad bad.. but just feeling down as I failed my own expectations.
So, I decided to pour out my disappointment now and start anew tomorrow! :D
Today was actually my first time speaking in Toastmasters. LOL It was not my first CC project speech yet; just a 2-3 min invocation speech to sorta introduce the theme of the meeting. Sounds simple, right? So, I took up that role just to warm myself up before my first speech.
And I guess I made an absolute right decision.
Because I totally blanked out. Yes, for a freaking two-and-a-half min speech!
My nerves took over entirely and my brain just refused to work at that crucial time! I mean, I remembered everything I wanted to say. I practiced beforehand and I was pretty well prepared when I went for the meeting. Obviously.. until the moment I stepped in front. I just went COMPLETELY BLANK.
Maybe because I was also the first speaker of the meeting. So, I was soooo nervous that all I could think about is how nervous I was, instead of what I was supposed to say. *gulp* Luckily, I did okay for the first half of my speech, while the second half... Well, I think the pauses were so long that the audience were sleeping already! LOL.
I know this is only my first speech and all, but I feel that I could have done much, much better than how I've performed today. No worries, I won't give up! After this, I'll let it go and move on.
I will do better next time. I am determined to overcome this stage fright no matter what!
BRING IT ON!
So, I decided to pour out my disappointment now and start anew tomorrow! :D
Today was actually my first time speaking in Toastmasters. LOL It was not my first CC project speech yet; just a 2-3 min invocation speech to sorta introduce the theme of the meeting. Sounds simple, right? So, I took up that role just to warm myself up before my first speech.
And I guess I made an absolute right decision.
Because I totally blanked out. Yes, for a freaking two-and-a-half min speech!
My nerves took over entirely and my brain just refused to work at that crucial time! I mean, I remembered everything I wanted to say. I practiced beforehand and I was pretty well prepared when I went for the meeting. Obviously.. until the moment I stepped in front. I just went COMPLETELY BLANK.
Maybe because I was also the first speaker of the meeting. So, I was soooo nervous that all I could think about is how nervous I was, instead of what I was supposed to say. *gulp* Luckily, I did okay for the first half of my speech, while the second half... Well, I think the pauses were so long that the audience were sleeping already! LOL.
I know this is only my first speech and all, but I feel that I could have done much, much better than how I've performed today. No worries, I won't give up! After this, I'll let it go and move on.
I will do better next time. I am determined to overcome this stage fright no matter what!
BRING IT ON!
I Need...
Time. No joke!
Trust me, I do want to blog.. but there is simply no time for now. So MANY activities!! And omg, mock exam's next week. Yes, you must be thinking, "Wha...? Exam again?!" Unfortunately, yes. Welcome to ACCA. Hah!
Now I totally know what it means by, SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME.
Gosh. Time, please go slower!! x_x
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