i was just browsing through when i came upon my brother's latest post in his blog. as much as i used to hate him, he has always been the person i wanted to be. this post has really touched my heart. truth to be told, i did cry a little while reading this. ;)
I finally decided to start with the first person that i would like to thank. Michael Tan Buat Yeng. Sounds familiar? Yes, he is my father. I'd like to thank him for he had allow me to grow and try new things. Within certain boundaries of course. I would say that when I was young, he was the discipline master in the house. He always kept me in the safe house. I was an introvert and was a nerd until primary 6. Well, he did a great job! I scored straight As in my UPSR.
Because of his strict personality, I didn't really communicate much with him. All I know is, if things were to go to him, it's serious things. For example, to get his signature to go for trips (which he rejected all of them), mom's complains, etc. etc. I viewed him as a strict and scary person. In a nice word, he's calm and cool most of the time. While my mom usually shouts and yell and nagged me all the time which non of that actually works on me, my dad has his secret weapon which is his stare. He'll just need to look and everything will be fine, or he'll make it fine.
It was not until secondary that I'm actively involved in co-curricular activities which includes counter-strike, half-life. He was a bit leanient that time. But his stares still works. That's the downfall of the great nerd. Results were not good and getting worse and worse from time to time. That's where he came in but it's too late. The virus was too strong. He then came up with new weapon, which is called 'lecture' by most of my peers. When ever he uses it, it'd be for hours and it'll be the same thing over and over again.
He told me that he wasn't expecting excellent result from me but just something that is not bad. He later found out that I was not really good in academic and allowed me to be active in school. That has built courage in me to be able to explore and try new things. I took up several leadership role in clubs and societies after that. Which then he became my mentor. He'd constantly remind me to study! hahahaha. He supported me morally and financially (up until now) as well.
That was just co-curricular activities in school levels. It was after form 5 that I started to involve in more activities and stuffs outside of schools. I was cheated a few times and loss some money. He knew that was going to happen but he didn't stop me. He allowed me to experience it myself. He told me even if he tried to stop me, I would not have stop either. Instead of getting more of his 'lecture', I felt like he's became a friend to me. A friend that will always be there for me. and ACCEPT ME IN ANY CONDITION. This is when I felt the change in him, or it was the REAL him! He talked to me, help me, lend his ear to me whenever I faced problems or failures in whatever that I do. He never once scolded me for waste of time or not listening to him but always offer advice and guide me out of the problems and create a pathway for me to start all over again. Eventhough we never said " I love U" (cos we both think its disgusting) to each other, we both know that we love each other.
He never really told me about his background. By seeing that he's the only one out of his 5 siblings that is in Penang Island, I guessed that he must have left home to challenge himself or to explore new possibilities. I can see that when he's young he's always strived to learn new things. And I believe, the one thing that stops all his risk taking attitude is ME. With me, he has to learn how to be a father. He has to find a stable job to feed his family. He could not take any risk to loose his job anymore. I believe that I am the reason he has been working in the same company for over 20 years now.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming myself or being emo about it (hahahaha) because if it was me, I would do the same thing. Just that I understand the sacrifice that he had made for me. Now, we're more like friends than father and son. Mom always complains why I dont call him 'PAPA' anymore. But he also dont call me 'Chun Sian' anymore. We call each other 'ey', 'oi'. He'd also introduce his colleagues to me. Asked me out for lunch. We talked, we laughed, we gossiped (less) and I'm really grateful to have him as my father. He is the ideal father to have. And i also found out that he's not that cool actually, he's just as crazy as me! I would rephrase that, I'm just as crazy as HIM! hahahaha. But with all that craziness, both of us have the seriousness in us. We have also session called sharing session! Right now, there's no longer 'lecture' where he talk i listen, now is more to a discussion where we share our ideas and opinions openly.
For all that he has done, does, and will always does for me, I am grateful and would like to say a million THANK YOU! You are a great person, great father and a great friend to me! I'll always look up to you!
frankly, i'm not as close as he is with my dad. in fact, i pretty much couldn't stand him at times. but after reading this post, it makes me realize how i've ONLY see the bad side of him; totally ignoring the fact he is always there with us through good times and bad times. it is undeniable i'm much closer to my mum and releasing most of my heat to my dad, but for that, i'm sorry.
and to my brother, thank you for writing this. it means alot to us.
♥
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