where my house is no longer a home for me...

i hate it when people around me are depressed.
i think that it is stupid to be sad and all,
when there is so much more for us to see in life..
come to think of it, this is only one of the long chapters in our lives..
so, why make it so gloomy and depressing? why not live it to the fullest?
right?

but now i know.
i have been crying everyday that i can't even remember what is it like to be really happy and be myself.
i don't know when, but i have somehow entered the world of depression myself.
and it's eating me slowly..
i hate it so much! i want to be a happy person so badly!
i don't wanna be a freakin emo person that cuts themselves or anything as stupid..

seriously, i know it's not just my parents.
i think i have changed too, not them.
but they don't understand.
they think i am only doing this to make them angry.
I AM NOT!
they said i have no moral, no common sense, no manners, lazy, rude, stupid..
and anything they can think of at that time.

if only they could just understand.
i have serious problem controlling my temper..
every little thing pisses me off easily.
i hate people shouting at me, ordering me around.
and that's what they do all the time. SHOUT AT MY FACE.
why? because they're the parents and i am the child.
i hate it when they said i'm slow.
sure, my results are dropping like crazy but i did try my best for this exam..
then again, they're not satisfied.
and they tend to use this a lot to scream at me.

right now, i just wanna be left alone.
i can cry a million liters of tears, they won't even give a damn.
that's right, i have changed.
only because of them!